Monday, January 04, 2010

TXB Best/Worst Flicks of '09

Top Ten Best Movies of '09 (from bestest to least best):

1. Inglourious Basterds - The last line of the flick sez it all: "This may just be my masterpiece."
2. Watchmen - A damn good comic book becomes an even better movie. Not foreseen.
3. Star Trek - As a half-British, half-Vulcan dude might say, "Spock on, mate!"
4. Observe and Report - Boasts the funniest near date-rape scene of the year!
5. The Informant! - Has a good time showing us how stupid people in suits can be.
6. Up in the Air - Kickass script, tight performances, believable characters, but where are all the blue people?
7. The Merry Gentleman - First time director Michael Keaton jerks one out of the park.
8. Terminator Salvation - Christian Bale responds: "I hope it was fucking good." was.
9. Deadgirl - Weird, sick, funny...this one's got it all for weird, sick, funny people like me.
10. The Hangover - Funniest simulated-buttfucking-of-a-tiger-scene of the year!

Top Ten Worst Movies of '09 (from worstest to least worst):

1. The Limits of Control - TXB tagline: The limits of your attention span...will be tested.
2. Paranormal Activity - Unlike Bernie Madoff, the director of this movie is still at large.
3. Caprica - Boring, bullshit prequel to the ho hum Battlestar Galactica T.V. show.
4. Summer's Moon - Show's how cheapshit movies can be slapped together in 15 days.
5. Stiletto - Another cheapshit movie that I only saw cuz it wuz a buck at redbox.
6. Fired Up! - The Filthy Critic sez it best: "a toothless, titless bad comedy."
7. Ninja Assassin - Dumbass slash-and-dash kung fu crapola.
8. Angels and Demons - Again...T.F.C.: "As if Catholic rituals weren't silly enough already."
9. The Haunting in Connecticut - Greeted in my house with "The Sleep Apnea in Hillsboro."
10. Horsemen - Throw Silence of the Lambs, 7even, and pure grade bullshit into a blender, and this is the flick you get. Way to make another shitty movie, Dennis Quaid. Asshole.


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