Gibblers

Tuesday, February 07, 2023

Gary's Top Ten Best Movies of 2022

1. Top Gun: Maverick

2. Thor: Love and Thunder

3. The Adam Project

4. Prey

5. The Gray Man

6. Jerry and Marge Go Large

7. Lou

8. Fall

9. Moonfall

10. Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness

Gary's Top Ten Worst Movies of 2022

1. Spiderhead

2. Jackass Forever

3. Jurassic World: Dominion

4. Megalodon Rising

5. R.I.P.D. 2: Rise of the Damned

6. Morbius

7. Dog

8. The Lost City

9. Ambulance

10. Uncharted

My Top Ten Best Movies of 2022

1. Top Gun: Maverick

2. Smile

3. Pearl

4. Barbarian

5. The Lost King

6. The Woman King

7. Operatution: Mincemeat

8. Nope

9. Utama

10. Scream

My Top Ten Worst Movies of 2022

1. Jeepers Creepers Reborn - more like Regurgitated

2. Broker - ludicrously melodramatic and meandering

3. Don't Worry Darling - not worried, just super bored

4. The Scary of Sixty-First - very shoddy indy flick

5. Glass Onion: A Vastly Overrated Knives Out Mystery

6. Babylon - an elephant shits on the screen (literally)

7. Official Competition - another pretentious movie about making movies that thinks it's funny (satire!)

8. Halloween Ends - dear God, please let it end

9. Lou - another heaping of mediocre bullshit from Netflix's "quantity over quality" model

10. Jurassic Park: Dominion - a horror movie in which all the "good" characters are threatened but none die

Sunday, January 23, 2022

Gary's Top Ten Best Films of 2021

Here be Gary Boehme's top 9 flicks of 2021. Yes, 9. He saw other flicks he liked, but none of them deserved the famous "Boehme bump" that leads to Oscar greatness. Will the BB cause the Academy to recognize the greatness of #4 on this list? Definitely not! Let's go...

9. Spider-Man: No Way Home
8. Nobody
7. Ghostbusters: Afterlife
6. Land
5. King Richard
4. Halloween Kills
3. Nomadland
2. The Tomorrow War
1. The Matrix Resurrections

Gary's Top Ten Worst Films of 2021

10. Don't Look Up
9. Blue Miracle
8. The Colony
7. Stillwater
6. Dune
5. Reminiscence
4. The Lost Daughter
3. Voyagers
2. Old
1. SAS: Red Notice

Tim's Top Ten Best Films of 2021

10. The French Dispatch - Director Wes Anderson achieves maximum quirk. If that's your thing, then this loving collection of character portraits revolving around a newspaper is the shit.

9. Mogul Mowgli - Terrible title. Great drama. An up and coming rapper played by the awesome Riz Ahmed encounters disease in his body, which leads to dis-ease in his mind as visions of his cultural heritage come a' callin'.

8. Belfast - The critical praise seemed a bit tepid at first, but currently this excellent family portrait set amid bad times in Northern Ireland is a Best Picture nominee lock for the Oscars. Ken Branagh directs a perfect cast.
7. Drive My Car - It's in Japanese--and other languages. It's three hours. A dude is grieving for his dead wife. He's directing a Chekov play. He drives his car. Then someone else drives his car. A lot. And somehow it's all fucking great.
6. Nightmare Alley - Only Ron Perlman is here to remind us that this is a Guillermo del Toro film. I wouldn't say it's a hard "R" movie but it's definitely hard noir. Someone better nominate Bradley Cooper for Best Actor or the Oscars are bullshit.
5. The Courier - A 2020 film but not released in theaters till 2021. I liked The Power of the Dog, but if you can only see one film from last year starring ol' Cumbersnatch (to use Gary's nickname), let it be this Cold War potboiler.
4. Luzzu - I didn't expect a character study about a Maltese fisherman to be riveting for all 94 minutes of, y'know, fishing and stuff in Malta. But somehow it wuz.
3. Summer of Soul - Director Questlove undoes a cultural memory hole with this fine documentary about the "Black Woodstock" of 1969. As much as anything else, it's a great concert film.
2. The Green Knight - Let's trip balls on sum medieval mushrooms and go on a quest with Sir Gawain, nephew of King Arthur (at least in this movie). Various trials await, and the Green Knight looms at the end at a green chapel. An unbeatable adaptation of a literary classic.
1. Inside - Bo Burnham's masterpiece of pandemic pantomime. Funny, sad, rousing, biting…as though the comedian was, like so many of us, some trapped animal looking for anything to distract himself enough to keep madness at bay. Luckily, for both Burnham and for us, he found a LOT of distractions in some great songs with lots of yuks and many poignant observations to boot. There's even a bit about a pirate.

Tim's Top Ten Worst Films of 2021

10. Venom: Let There Be Carnage - Yes, let there be Carnage! Oh, I guess we should have been more specific: let there be Carnage fighting Venom! You only get that in the last half hour of this crap.
9. Malignant - There's a really fun action scene near the end for the ACAB crowd, but otherwise this is more disposable horror movie garbage. Points, I guess, for being a little extra zany!
8. Spiral - It were mildly interesting to inject humor into the tired Saw franchise...as well as folks like Chris Rock and Sam Jackson. But it's still the same torture porn bullshit in the end that, like all the other sequels, never gets close to the cleverness of the original.
7. No Sudden Move - I dig director Steven Soderbergh, but dude is really losing his shit if he thinks this convoluted caper flick and last year's even worse Let Them All Talk are worthwhile films.
6. The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It - The devil made people make a third Conjuring movie. However, the devil also allowed viewers to see this random puree of horror movie clichés at home via HBO Max so they wouldn't get the virus. He's not a monster.
5. Wolf - This is one of them arthouse movies that you want to succeed cuz it clearly wants to communicate a message about how society treats The Other, but the premise is just too ludicrous.
4. The Father - Technically a 2020 flick but not released in theaters till 2021. Anthony Hopkins won the Oscar for Best Actor, so yes: a good actor can deliver a good performance in an excruciatingly boring piece of shit. Well, Tony Hopkins can. Prolly not the Rock.
3. The Resort - One of those cheapass movies that shouldn't even be a movie much less get released in theaters. I'd have felt really dumb if I'd gotten Covid from going to this horror schlockfest.
2. Don't Breathe 2 - Enjoyed the first flick, but the plot here is too ridiculous. I was super high when I watched it, but I'm convinced that seeing it straight would have only made things worse.
1. The Humans - A movie based on a play which somehow is more boring than any play could ever be. Inexplicably beloved by, like, all the critics but unwatchable for any normal human.
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Monday, April 19, 2021

 The Top Ten Best Movies That I Saw in 2020

1. Mank (2020) - It's black and white! It's on Netflix! Why are you so lazy that you haven't seen this David Fincher masterpiece? I blame your parents, really.
2. Underwater (2020) - A truly amazing and comically (sad comedy) underrated mashup of Alien, The Abyss, and maybe one or two other kickass sci-fi flicks. This movie is better than the first Wonder Woman (sorry, just threw that last bit in for Wesley, lol).
3. What Keeps You Alive (2018) - Don't even want to say what this one is about. Don't want you to read the plot synopsis, either. Just watch the movie.
4. The Vast of Night (2019) - UFOs? Definitely maybe. An Amazon movie. Okay, goddammit, I guess I'm glad that I'm a fucking Prime member again.

5. Ammonite (2020) he best lesbian romance film since Blue Is The Warmest Color. The romance here is more mature, more dangerous, maybe more desperate--but the aching to love and be loved expressed by paleontologist Mary Anning (Winslet) and depressed as hell housewife Charlotte Murchison (Ronan) is just so raw, so fucking beautiful, that I don't know why anyone would give a fuck if it actually happened. Hell, if I become famous and they make a movie about me someday, feel free to say Tom Cruise and I shared a forbidden love until he made me do skydiving with him or sumshit and we died doing what we loved: being with Tom Cruise.
6. The Assistant (2019) - Wesley and I saw this flick at the Tivoli, pre-pandemic. Great slow burn character study. Kind've a bummer.
7. The Lodge (2019) - Think Wesley and I saw this'un at Ronnies; again, pre-pandemic. We say "Two thumbs up" to this creepy indy horror flick. Will Siskel and Ebert sue us? Sadly no...they're dead.
8. The Rhythm Section (2020) - A reasonably kickass revenge thriller starring Blake Lively that somehow ain't cool with the cool kids (or most average moviegoers). Also better than the first Wonder Woman.
9. All In: The Fight for Democracy (2020) - After I saw this doc, I thought, "Sounds like democracy's getting its ass kicked." Then the election happened months later, then Georgia happened, and I thought, "Huh. Stacey Abrams kicked the asses of those who were kicking democracy's ass. God bless her."
10. Extraction (2020) - Mostly mindless action scenes someone strung together till they reached movie length, I suppose, but damn: some action scenes!

 The Top Ten Worst Movies That I Saw in 2020

1. The Isle (2020) - Something, something, ghosts, sirens, something.
2. Exposure (2018) - There wuz a monster's penis, or maybe a tongue, rubbed up against a lady's face. I blanked out the rest.
3. Selfie From Hell (2018) - A horror movie revolving around selfies. I've said enuff.
4. They Remain (2018) - Dumbass low budget sci-fi shit that deserves no witty slams.
5. Ghost Light (2018) - Someone made a movie about performing Macbeth and they ended up with a cursed piece of shit. Shocker.
6. Tone-Deaf (2019) - You think, "Robert Patrick elevates every movie he's in!" then you see this fucked up thriller and think, "Okay, the man's not a miracle worker!"
7. Warning Shot (2018) - David Spade plays the heavy in a bunch of small town crime bullshit, so you know the casting director wuz high af.
8. Harpoon (2019) - If I wuz to pick one movie on this list that I think sum of you twisted fucks might like, I guess I'd pick Harpoon. But it blows.
9. She Dies Tomorrow (2020) - I dig most of what I've seen of the Amy Seimetz oeuvre, but this is nearly nonsensical art house garbage.
10. Possessor (2020) - A movie with a level of gore that makes even me say, "Gross." Also, it's about a sociopath who just becomes more and more sociopathey till the end. We got enuff of that on the teevee--with more interesting plot twists--in the last four years.

Gary's Top Ten Best & Worst Flicks of 2019

 




Tim's Top Ten Best Flicks of 2019

 


Tim's Top Ten Worst Flicks of 2019

 


Friday, January 11, 2019

Tim's Top Ten Best Films of 2018

10. Mandy 
9. Overlord
8. Roma
7. Eighth Grade
6. The Seagull
5. Game Night
4. Green Book
3. Avengers: Infinity War
2. Bohemian Rhapsody
1. Herditary

Tim's Top Ten Worst Films of 2018

10. Red Sparrow
9. First Man
8. Ready Player One
7. Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom
6. Terminal
5. Where is Kyra?
4. Primal Rage
3. Batman: Ninja
2. Insidious: The Last Key
1. The 15:17 to Paris

G-Money's Top Ten Best Films of 2018

10. Black Panther
9. Book Club
8. Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom
7. The Meg
6. Hotel Artemis
5. Peppermint
4. Game Night
3. Bad Times at the El Royale
2. A Quiet Place
1. Avengers: Infinity War

G-Money's Top Ten Worst Films of 2018

10. Ready Player One
9. Tag
8. Life of the Party
7. Proud Mary
6. 12 Strong
5. Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again
4. Sampson
3. Red Sparrow
2. Truth or Dare
1. The Favourite

Thursday, January 04, 2018

My Best and Worst Movies of 2017

Worst

10. Dig Two Graves
9. mother!
8. The Fate of the Furious
7. Here Alone
6. XX
5. The Void
4. Amelia 2.0
3. Transformers: The Last Knight
2. Tyler Perry's Boo 2! A Madea Halloween
1. Displacement

Best 

10. Mark Felt: The Man Who Brought Down the White House
9. Lucky
8. Life
7. Stronger
6. Baby Driver
5. Landline
4. Colossal
3. Logan
2. Their Finest
1. Band Aid

G’s Worst and Best Movies of 2017

Worst

10. The Mountain Between Us
9. Spider-Man: Homecoming
8. Ghost in the Shell
7. Rough Night
6. The Circle
5. The Snowman
4. It Comes at Night
3. Table 19
2. Dunkirk
1. A Ghost Story

Best

10. Split
9. Star Wars: The Last Jedi
8. Going in Style
7. Fistfight
6. Battle of the Sexes
5. Snatched
4. I, Tonya
3. Wonder Woman
2. Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri
1. Wind River

Tuesday, October 03, 2017

The War at Home

Remember when we went to war
over weapons of mass destruction
that didn't exist and kept selling
real weapons of mass destruction

in the homeland? And remember
how we never stopped of slowed
down but only sped up no matter
how massive the destruction. 

Thursday, September 21, 2017

Wreck-It Man

Dickless Don
wants to get his nuke on
and smoke Kim Jong Un


cuz when all is said and done
being prez ain't so much fun
once everyone figures out the con.

But nothing distracts like a bomb.