Monday, July 23, 2012

The Dark Knight Experiences Erectile Dysfunction But Pops Enough Viagra to Get Thru The Trilogy

It's a rare movie indeed that I'm a tad "meh" about after a first screening but feel it's worth a second look...and that second look convinces me that it's pretty darn good after all. But that's what happened with The Dark Knight Rises. Actually, I liked it okay even after the first screening. After all, I wuz "meh" about Batman Begins, and I thought this wuz certainly a better flick. But it ain't The Dark Knight (and that's cool--did we really expect chapter 3 in Christopher Nolan's epic to be better than the best comic book movie of all time?). I think you'll more likely appreciate TDKR, then, if you aren't expecting the rocketing rush of cops and crooks and Joker madness that wuz TDK. Also, Bane, as Kurt Loder has said, is little more than a pro wrestler and has none of the great dialogue that came from the J-man's twisted mug--and sum of his dialogue is hard to understand because of that fucked up voicebox he wears (don't hold yer breath waiting for a clear explanation of why he needs such a contraption). Furthermore, just like Ra's al Ghul from Batman Begins, the Banester unfortunately calls to mind an absurd Bond villain (remember: RAG had a giant frickin laser at the end of that doubt a part of his "Alan Parsons Project"). Sure, at first it sounded cool in those trailers when badboy Bane sez to Bruce Wayne, "When Gotham city lies in ruins, you have my permission to die," but that's really not so different from, "No, I expect you to die, Mr. Bond." And if yer like me, when you learn that Bane can rain total destruction down on Gotham BUT HE DECIDES TO WAIT FOR FIVE MONTHS TO DO SO, yer kinda yearning for Scott Evil to walk on the scene and say, "No, godammit, flip the switch now! And why the hell didn't you shoot Batman when you had the chance?! Okay, just give me a gun and I'll go do it myself. What?! You fucking left him in India? WHY IN GOD'S NAME WOULD YOU DO THAT, YOU COSTUMED ASSHOLE? You do know he's just gonna regain his strength and come back to kick your ass and dismantle the bomb before you can set it off, right? Okay, fuck it...doesn't matter. Just give me money for plane fare and hook me up with some guide and a gun when I get there. I'm gonna kill that guy. But seriously, the minute my plane flies outta here, will you PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY SET OFF THAT FUCKING BOMB?!" Ah, but I digress. Anyway, despite such illogicalities (and the movie has a shitload more of them), this is still a sturdy finish to a damn fine trilogy; and if its epic scope in depicting a city under siege winds on a bit too long...well, that's what epic scopes do, right? I wuzn't surprised at all, in fact, to hear a bit of Charlie Dickens read near the end of the film. Nolan wants to show you Gotham City from the POV of the kid in the orphanage all the way up to the upper crusters at their charity balls. Also, the movie is fairly adept at resolving themes that were addressed in the first two films. Hell, I've even rethought Batman Begins after seeing parts of it again on T.V. recently. It, too, is better than I first thought (FYI: it wouldn't hurt to view that movie again before you finish out the trilogy). Finally, hey...that Anne Hathaway, her sharp acting, and her skin tight Catwoman costume--yikers--are alone worth the price of admission. Hmmm...perhaps the man in black didn't need Viagra after all.


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