Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Guest Blogger Bill Maher!

For months, I've been begging my old college roommate, Bill Maher, to get bloggy wit it for the gibblers. Finally, after my private investigator got some incriminating picks of Maher doing blow off a donkey's ass, he suddenly realized how fun it can be to blog! Take it away, Billy-boy...

If you were surprised that the Chinese don't care about toy safety, then the child who needs protecting is you. Over the last couple of months, American consumers have been learning a shocking lesson about supply and demand: if you demand products that don't cost anything, people will make them out of poison, mud and shit. Now, since April, approximately 17 million toys in the United States, all of them made in China, have been recalled. Which is amazing considering that no one in the Department of Justice can recall a thing. I was devastated when Mattel recalled almost everything in my Barbie Dream Closet. Although I had suspected something when Ken discovered a lump on his testicle. Until recently, I never even worried about being harmed by the Chinese. Unless they were in the left-hand turn lane. I kid. But then we found out that their dog food was deadly and that they were making toothpaste out of antifreeze, and that the Number 62A at the Szechuan Palace is Beef with Bronchitis. They're the Chinese. They don't care if your precious little Britney sucks a little lead. Because in China, their kids aren't playing with the toys. They're the ones in the factory all day making them.


Blogger dan said...

Don't forget the little magnetic dog shit from Barbie's dog. I kid you not. My daughter a got a Barbie from her birthday party earlier this year. It was like a paris hilton barbie where she walked a little lap dog. She also carries a metal pooper scopper on her dog walks on which these magnetic pieces of shit attracts to.

3:11 PM  
Blogger TXB said...

And lead makes the shit extra shiny!

10:08 AM  

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