Monday, February 04, 2008

Dancing Lizards? The Fuck?!

Lame Superbowl. Lame commercials. I just hope Scotty wuz able to get some enjoyment out of it, because I'm pretty sure the rest of American slipped into a Dorritos-and-beer coma before the mildly diverting fourth quarter arrived. But hey, that's just my opinion. If you want the opinion of a guy who suffers from mad cow disease and the after-affects of getting hit in the head 80, 354 times, then listen to the wisdom o' Bradshaw: "It wuz one of the greatest Superbowls ever!"'re not counting all the superbowls where more than one touchdown wuz scored by the end of the third quarter? Well, damn...then yer prolly right, TB!

Oh, poor Tom Brady. I just hope his maid remembers to call 9-1-1 right away and doesn't dick around making calls to Mary-Kate Olsen, first. And I hope that when one of those Giants sacked his ass, he whispered to TB, "This one wuz for the Rams, asshole!"

Also, can we get any non-AARP members to host the superbowl halftime show ever again? Tom Petty...Prince...The Rolling Stones...Bono. The youth of America are yawning, people! If we wanna get them to unplug from their damn video games and ipods for ten minutes and celebrate a great American ritual of pop culture, we might have to occasionally let some singer or group born after 1980 take the big stage. Now, I know Justin Timberlake violated all our most sacred taboos by exposing a black nipple to the world, but I think we've all moved on enough from that trauma to have a Nelly or a Nelly Furtado take the stage (Just. Don't. Let. It. Be. Hannah. Montana.).

Finally, enough about how awesome the superbowl commericals are. They're not. They're lame. Case in point: Naomi Campbell takes time off from smashing people in the head with cell phones to be a hot chick (okay so far) in a Sobe Life Water (whatever the fuck that is) commerical...and (oh, there really should not be an "and") caps it off by dancing with multi-colored lizards using the dance movies and tune of Michael Jackson's "Thriller" video. Okay, seriously...what is the writing process for commerials? Just throw a bunch of pop culture shit into a blender and see what happens? Ah, I can hear Terry B. now: "Best superbowl commercial ever!"


Blogger Rick said...

Well, I'm in agreeance with TXB re: commercials. It all went downhill, really, with the late 1980s Ray Charles Pepsi commercial. The tag line was "uh-huh," if I remember. And I recall thinking: "They pay some ad agency 5 million to come up with, 'uh-huh'?" What the fuhh?
Also, enow with the semi-attractive dudes with their way-hot girlfriends in beer ads.
And, let's chill on the CGI animals for, oh, a decade or so.
Now, as for the game: it was a great game. I like ringin' up points, but in Super Bowls, that generally means...only one team will ring up points. These low scorers mean close games generally. And, come on, those last couple of drives back and forth...

8:15 PM  
Blogger dan said...

There was only one good commercial:
the one with the Budweiser dalmation training the clydesdale.

The second and third quarters was a yawner, as many low scoring, close scoring games often are. But these are also the times when good, hard driving football is being played. The offense and defense are doing their jobs.

If you can sit through 9 innings of low scoring baseball, or watch golf, you can surely sit through 60 minutes of football.

11:26 AM  
Blogger TXB said...

Yeah, but it's sixty minutes of football stretched out over 240 minutes!

11:20 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home