Bond Blows

"Check out my giant cock...I mean, 'gun'!"

********** If there's one thing me and the Attorney General agree on, it's that Bond blows. Yeah, this new movie with Daniel Craig as the badass Bond is the shit, right? Wrong. Don't believe the hype. Craig is okay--anyone's better than that ponce, Pierce Brosnan. And thank God someone finally got them to knock it off with the truly embarrassing grade school level double entendres. But come on...Bond has to bring down a mastermind financier of terrorism, and he does so...by playing Texas Hold'em poker with the dude?! So, basically...I could be Bond now. Or my bro could, anyway. He kicks ass at poker. Also, as my pal Ben Butler has said, it's heresy for Bond to say "Do I look like I give a damn?" when axed by the barkeep whether he'd like his martini shaken or stirred. Gee, Bond, maybe the barkeep thought you gave a damn since you took a fucking half hour to order a martini to your delicate specifications just twenty minutes earlier in the film!!!! (also: Bond orders a fruity martini, and suddenly the whole damn table orders martinis? What is this...the Ponce Poker Club?).