Monday, February 28, 2011

All That Razz

Props to Gary and Bryan for highlighting worst movies that the Razzies fully agreed with: The Last Airbender, Sex and the City 2, and Valentine's Day all had a big night at the 31st Annual Razzie Awards...esp. TLA.

Meanwhile...The King's Speech as best movie of the year? Bullshit, Oscar.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Disturbance on Pearl Drive

Heard a couple's pre-V-day squabble on the street outside my house the other night. The guy kept yelling, "You heard what I said!" Later, I got in the car to go to Walmart and saw a load of laundry, in a basket, at the side of the road.

When lovers quarrel, it's always the laundry that suffers the most.

Saturday, February 05, 2011

Nice Tits...Adequate Ass

So I heard on the newz that a twelve year old girl got some of those Valentine's candy hearts with words on them from her mom...and one of them said, "Nice Tits." Heh. Mom, of course, hadn't known about this and wuz pissed. The candy heart company is investigating. Really, tho', there's a message here: don't take candy from strangers...or yer mom.

Speaking of tits and rage, I stopped off at that strip club in Imperial that I feel compelled to visit every six months or so. It's really not good enough to visit more often...and this time it had hit a new low. Absolutely no dancing took place for the first ten minutes that I wuz there. Finally, one old granny--the lifer stripper who actually had nice tits and an adequate ass--strutted her stuff for a couple of songs, and then some smokin' black chick slithered around on-stage for a bit...tho' apparently she wuz worried about where the old lady stripper's vagina might have been, cuz she hit the Purrell bottle two or three times in the middle of her set. Really, tho', there's a message here: go on stage before the old lady stripper, esp. if yer young and hot...then you don't have to worry about her vagina funkying up the poll (although, since this is a topless only bar, and the old lady stripper had no open sores, I'm not sure what the black stripper wuz worried about).

And that wuz it. Then it wuz back to Mama from Mama's House stripping again. See, there wuz some sort of stripper revolt, and the bartender/manager ho wuz arguing with the other two stripper hoes on standby--and said hoes were just texting away on their little gadgets the entire time, apparently too pissed off to get naked for a few minutes and then collect dollar bills from the seven or eight patrons in attendance (tho' I never did figure why they were still hanging out there if they weren't going to dance). I admit, if I were a ho I might feel disheartened that I wuz shaking my shit on a Friday night near ten o'clock, and there wuzn't even a packed house to appreciate it and give me forty or fifty dolla dolla dollabills instead of seven or eight. But takes off yer clothes and you takes yer chances, as my old Medieval Lit. teacher used to say.