Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Looking for Jim

T'other nite, I stayed at some shitwad motel in Delavan, WI. Went to the office to check in and a sign on the door said, "See Jim at the Mobil station." It wuz next door, so I walked over. Once inside, I axed the clerk, "You Jim?" He said, "No, but I can check you in." The motel room smelled like a billion cigarettes had been smoked in it, so I went out and bought a scented candle. The next morning, once again the "See Jim" sign wuz up. At the Mobil station, there wuz a Middle Eastern-looking dude who took my key. I guessed he wasn't Jim, either. I bought a porn mag and left.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

"Sic a Dog on All You Know"

the txb review of "Prometheus"

Critic Rick Groen said it best: "There's definite mastery here, but it's hardly a masterpiece." And I for one thought director Ridley Scott could bottle lightning again and perhaps even outdo "Alien" with its prequel, "Prometheus" (he certainly had loads more cash and decades of new F/X advances with which to work). But no...a so-so story can still shoot all that down. Hey, it's not like I wuz expecting something wildly original, cuz it's not like "Alien" wuz big in that category, either. Really, it's just a monster movie in the end. But it's also scary as shit. "Prometheus," alas, is not, so we look to it for other charms: visually, it is kickass. Also, as usual, Michael Fassbender is utterly compelling. If his David the android (revealed early in the film--not a surprise) had only been made the main character throughout, it might have made the film a classic. That would have been original, perhaps: a constant nonhuman reference point as the humans are turned into Kibbles n' Bits. Fassbender is also good at having loads of meaningless sex and showing off his big dick in "Shame" (now on DVD, ladies and gay men!). Anyway, I recommend "Prometheus," but I would skip the 3-D version--it doesn't add much, and it makes the movie look too dim (now MF's dick in 3-D...that would put your eye out!).

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Gamera Unchained

When Gamera goes to America
he stomps Starbucks, whacks
Walmart, drop kicks Costco
& has sex in the Citigroup.

We don't see this as performance art
to make us rethink chains, nor do we
note the irony in killing the monster
with the same bombs that woke him.