Friday, March 23, 2012

Pencil Dick

Investigating debris in my backyard,
I came across a yellow no. 2 pencil
just lying there in the grass.
My breathing and bones were fine
as I noted that narrow fellow.

I wondered only about the mystery
of why someone would walk into
the middle of my yard and dump,
not a body, but a graphite clue.
I had no client or hope for a score

but still I took the case, deducing
that the skell was an errant student
or perhaps a pencil-pusher tossing
contraband; no doubt he was not
the sharpest pencil in the box.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Ode to Spring Break

Haven't done a whole lot more than grade papers and jerk off this Spring Break, but it's still been kinda fun. Even the grading hasn't been so bad, although I did rent mostly shitty movies to play as background noise. You sorta want shitty movies--you don't want something like London Boulevard that shows a lot of promise cuz then you get wrapped up in it and stop grading and then when it still turns out to be pretty shitty in the end you feel like a chump AND you didn't get much grading done, did you? What you definitely don't wanna do is accidently rent the same shitty movie you rented some other time you were grading--as I did with the Australian film Road Kill. Sure, there wuz a sex scene at the beginning of the movie that I didn't mind seeing again, but I could've done without seeing people fed to this demonic truck and seeing their guts all grinding around in the gears one mo' time. I wuz, however, frankly shocked at how good Fast Five wuz. That wuz the kinda thing where you can look away and get to grading in between action scenes. Anyway, Spring Break is also good, no matter what the hell you do, for catching up on sleep. Also, I had breakfast with Ms. Patty McDaniel at this place in Hillsboro, MO, called Martha's. That's just the sorta place you visit on spring breaks or summer breaks. During the rest of the year I usually don't make the effort. And I saw some kickass stand-up comedy on Netflix at Wesley's one nite. According to comic Drew Hastings, Misery sucks cuz, "All the people look like extras in a Clint Eastwood movie."

Alas, there's one sour note about this SB in particular: today I looked a the lawn and said, "Fuck, I'm gonna have to cut this shit in a week."

Wednesday, March 07, 2012

Punching Bigfoot

Apparently, there's a genre of flash fiction where you can only tell your story in exactly 55 words. So here's my crack at dat shit...

Mike met Bigfoot in the forest, freaked out, punched him. Bigfoot fled. Later, Mike told his mates about this at a bar. They said, "Bigfoot is bullshit.” Mike said, "What do you think happened? That I punched a bear? A really hairy hobo?” They said nothing to this, just went
back to drinking and politics.

Monday, March 05, 2012

R.I.P. Old T.V.

Just lost my old T.V. to cancer or whatever it is that kills T.V.s. Scott Siler gave it to me back when I lived in Minnesota. Turned it on last nite and it had audio but the only picture was a slim band of light in the middle, like it wuz that Knight Rider car. It is survived by me and the T.V. that Rick Delaney gave me. It's a sad day in the Boehme household. I guess that T.V. lasted about as long as my beloved cat Twilight.

The T.V. knew how to die with dignity, tho'.