Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Happy National Unfriend Day, Y'all!

The Demon
The Prophet
Not so long ago, a demon entered the garden of the Internet. Before Z came along, the worldwide webs of computers were mostly only concerned with the purist of pursuits: gazing at naked people and naked people fucking. Yes, back in those blessed days, children, watching naked people fuck wuz actually considered more enticing than watching a godamn virtual turnip grow. But as the prophet Jimmy Kimmel and the holy word of The Social Network has shewn us, the demon Z only had one friend in college--a friend he would eventually dick over. Thus Z sought to dilute the meaning of the term "friend" so that he could gain a bunch of fake friends and divert attention from the fact that he wuz a douche. To normalize this new, debased idea of friendship, Z let loose a serpent in the garden: Facebook. Therefore, Kimmel has taught us that we should observe the holy rite of National Unfriend Day (NUD) and cut the fat from our friendships. To do this, we perform the ritual researching of just who the hell these people are on our friend lists on National Unfriend Day Eve (NUDE), selecting potential candidates for unfriendship. We also use the time on NUDE to reflect on who are true friends are and what a douche Mark Zuckerberg is. Then, on the dawning of our glorious NUD, November 17th, we rescind the right hand of Facebook fellowship to all the peeps we hardly knew or never even met, reminding ourselves that we don't actually give a shit what the guy we took high school Biology with is having for lunch.

Thursday, November 04, 2010

And can I get one of them blue juices Luke drinks?

Seems those holograms, as seen in "Star Wars," could be right around the corner.

The Missing Link

New link, lovelies.

I'll also add it to the sidebar.


Wednesday, November 03, 2010

The Hummus Prophecy

From The Book of TXB, being an inspired text of sacred mumbo jumbo and vegetarian gumbo which was breathed by The Lord God Tim Boehme into his servant The Lord Jesus Chuck Norris Christ and then written down with a burnt umber crayon upon Ramada Inn hotel stationary last night: "Let them eat cake and drink tea with all of the other little girls at the tea party. If they be more enlightened, and shall abstain from meat, let them consult the oracle at veg st. louis. So let it be written, so let it be eaten!"