Thursday, December 10, 2009

walmart breaktime

while getting a blowjob in the walmart parking lot
the last god gerry spied a stray cat a'sauntering
across the asphalt, not at all furtively darting
as some stray cats on walmart parking lots do,
especially if they spy what appears to be a man
getting a blowjob from a walmart greeter
with a pink bow in her gray hair as well as
some translucent gerry jelly. the cat yawns
now and gerry yawns, and one of them
says, "okay, bitch...breaktime's over."

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

BK 7-Incher: Tastes Better Than Cock

Can you imagine the poor bastards who signed up for that taste test?

the old gerry and the sea

gerry works at walmart on the weekends
and sells seashells down by the seashore
on weekdays & if you put the seashells
up to your ear you can hear the sounds of
all the shit gerry stole from walmart
and all the blowjobs in the parking lot

Monday, December 07, 2009

A Serious Review

Clips from The Filthy Critic's review of the film A Serious Man, directed by the Coen Bros. (a modern era retelling of The Book of Job):

"Michael Stuhlbarg plays the modern-day Job, a physics professor with a wife and two kids. He's a little uptight, Job-like in his upright standing, and, well, that's all we know about him. He isn't fleshed out beyond that. The Coens don't give a rip about him other than to put him through the paces, the way fourteen high-school football players would with a passed-out cheerleader. So, maybe they're playing God, here. And they too don't come off too well. Not to say God would date rape a cheerleader, of course. But really, I don't know. I've never met him. At the least, he would let it happen."

"[The] conclusion is cute, not profound. That's especially true since there is little philosophically in A Serious Man that expands on what some dude wrote a few thousand years ago. All the Coens do is bring the story up to the 1960s and wrap it up in this fetishized version of what they remember as a shitty, suffocating childhood. That is where the movie dumps its load on your face."

"The characters don't get to have a reason to exist or a brain in their heads that isn't singularly focused on being a dick. None of that is because the story needs it that way. In fact, the story would be far more profound and enjoyable if the characters were deeper and yet shit still happened. It's because the Coens are whiny little bitches."

Saturday, December 05, 2009

Upon reading the 12/2/09 blog from TXB, one thought indelibly came to mind:
Middle age mutant ninja presidential turtles.
They are now grown up and in charge.
The ninjas are Leonardo, Donatello, Michelangelo and their leader BarryO

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

White House, Black Power

Since all the pundits had so much joy envisioning shit-your-pants scenarios about how Prez O coulda been kill-hauled by those party crashers, I thought it would be fun to come up wit my own:

The fame whore in the read dress lunged at the president with a steak knife, but he slapped it out of her hands, kneed her in the gut, bitch-slapped her, and said, "Does Barry Obama have to choke a bitch?"