Friday, August 29, 2008

Sarah Palin and Tall...and Stacked

Okay, I know it's wrong and sexist, but my initial reaction to McCain selecting Alaska governor Sarah Palin as his Veep candidate wuz, "At long last: a Vice Presidential pick that I can jerk off to." My second wrong and sexist thought wuz, "Gives a whole new meaning to 'drilling in Alaska'." Rim shot!

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Line of the Day

"Fuck you very much, China."

So, USA gymnast Nastia Liukin wuz on Leno last night, and she explained how she tied with Chinese gymnast He Kexin but still didn't get the gold medal for the uneven bars. As dipomatically as possible, she tried to convey the overly ellaborate scoring rules that landed her a silver and gave Kexin the gold. Here's the math, courtesy of A complete score is now made up of two parts, A and B. The first, the A score, or the start value, is an assigned degree of difficulty. In this instance, both He and Liukin had the same start value, 7.7. The second part of a score, the B score, is an execution score. Six judges vote. The high and the low are tossed per the rules. That leaves four scores. Those four are averaged. That average becomes the B score. Add the A and B together and you get a complete score. In this instance, both He and Liukin got 16.725. Thus: onto tiebreakers. The first tiebreak is the B score. Here both got the same B score, 9.025. The next tiebreak: the judges drop the next highest deduction. That obviously leaves three judges' scores instead of four--or to be precise, the marks those three judges gave for deductions. Here, the average of those three judges' deductions for He: .933. For Liukin: .966. Liukin had a greater deduction. Thus she was second. Anyway, as Liukin was trying to explain all that in much simpler terms, Norm McDonald, sitting next to her, interrupted by saying, "Excuse me, Jay, but this all just sounds like a bunch of commie goobly-gook."

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

No Hablo, Dude

So, every day now I get a message on my answering machine in what sounds to me like Spanish. This has been going on for a month. Sometimes it's a man, other times a woman. Never is a word of English spoken. Usually, the call comes around 8:00 in the morning. I told my cousin Mike about this at bowling league last nite (yes, the Soldiers of Mel now bowl on Tuesdays), and he said, "You're probably getting messages from the Cuban mafia." I laughed and said, "Yeah, they're saying stuff like, 'We're going to blow up your shit and rape your wife.'"

Well, the joke's on the Cuban mafia, cuz I don't have a wife.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Another Gibblers?

So I googled "gibblers" just now, and apparently we are no longer the sole entities using this designation. My favorite of the other gibblers is someone named Kimmy Gibblers, who has a page on Yahoo Groops called "kimmygibblerssexytightass." The best part about the site is the description: "for people who love her sexy tight ass."

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Papa's Got A Brand New Blog

In case anyone's interested in my non-cursing thoughts on the subject of teaching English, here's the new blog address. I'll still be posting stuff here at gibblers, of course, where cursing is celebrated...

Monday, August 11, 2008

TXB sez, "Jump on that Pineapple Express, kiddies!"

Given the cost of movies these days and the abundance of assholes who check their goddamn cell phone for messages every five minutes or so while the movies are playing, I must be fucking insane to see a movie more than once at the theater anymore. But I just saw The Dark Knight for a third time, and I even paid the ridiculous 12 bucks to see it in IMAX (by the way, until they start filming entire movies in IMAX, it ain't worth the extra two bucks, but there were some eye-popping scenes in TDK). Of course, some asshole sitting right next to me checked his goddamn cell phone every five minutes. Because you just don't wanna miss that call from yer asshole friend who wants to tell you about the shit he just took. ANYWAY...I'm also considering seeing Pineapple Express a second time, which is pretty amazing for a movie that seemed like it could have easily waited for DVD. And no...I'm not gonna say that you just have to see this one at the theater...and yer a tool if you pay 12 bucks to see it in IMAX because none of the movie has been filmed in IMAX as far as I know. But it seemed funny as hell to me, and that's the only requirement I have for a comedy. Of course, I didn't get any sleep the night before I saw it, so maybe I wuz a bit punchy. And now I'm considering seeing it again today, but I didn't get any sleep last night. It's really rare for me to see a comedy twice at the theater, because once you know the jokes most comedies ain't gonna be half as funny again the second time around. But sleep deprived brain sez, "Go for it, dumbass! What else have you got to spend yer money on?"