Gibblers

Sunday, January 23, 2022

Gary's Top Ten Best Films of 2021

Here be Gary Boehme's top 9 flicks of 2021. Yes, 9. He saw other flicks he liked, but none of them deserved the famous "Boehme bump" that leads to Oscar greatness. Will the BB cause the Academy to recognize the greatness of #4 on this list? Definitely not! Let's go...

9. Spider-Man: No Way Home
8. Nobody
7. Ghostbusters: Afterlife
6. Land
5. King Richard
4. Halloween Kills
3. Nomadland
2. The Tomorrow War
1. The Matrix Resurrections

Gary's Top Ten Worst Films of 2021

10. Don't Look Up
9. Blue Miracle
8. The Colony
7. Stillwater
6. Dune
5. Reminiscence
4. The Lost Daughter
3. Voyagers
2. Old
1. SAS: Red Notice

Tim's Top Ten Best Films of 2021

10. The French Dispatch - Director Wes Anderson achieves maximum quirk. If that's your thing, then this loving collection of character portraits revolving around a newspaper is the shit.

9. Mogul Mowgli - Terrible title. Great drama. An up and coming rapper played by the awesome Riz Ahmed encounters disease in his body, which leads to dis-ease in his mind as visions of his cultural heritage come a' callin'.

8. Belfast - The critical praise seemed a bit tepid at first, but currently this excellent family portrait set amid bad times in Northern Ireland is a Best Picture nominee lock for the Oscars. Ken Branagh directs a perfect cast.
7. Drive My Car - It's in Japanese--and other languages. It's three hours. A dude is grieving for his dead wife. He's directing a Chekov play. He drives his car. Then someone else drives his car. A lot. And somehow it's all fucking great.
6. Nightmare Alley - Only Ron Perlman is here to remind us that this is a Guillermo del Toro film. I wouldn't say it's a hard "R" movie but it's definitely hard noir. Someone better nominate Bradley Cooper for Best Actor or the Oscars are bullshit.
5. The Courier - A 2020 film but not released in theaters till 2021. I liked The Power of the Dog, but if you can only see one film from last year starring ol' Cumbersnatch (to use Gary's nickname), let it be this Cold War potboiler.
4. Luzzu - I didn't expect a character study about a Maltese fisherman to be riveting for all 94 minutes of, y'know, fishing and stuff in Malta. But somehow it wuz.
3. Summer of Soul - Director Questlove undoes a cultural memory hole with this fine documentary about the "Black Woodstock" of 1969. As much as anything else, it's a great concert film.
2. The Green Knight - Let's trip balls on sum medieval mushrooms and go on a quest with Sir Gawain, nephew of King Arthur (at least in this movie). Various trials await, and the Green Knight looms at the end at a green chapel. An unbeatable adaptation of a literary classic.
1. Inside - Bo Burnham's masterpiece of pandemic pantomime. Funny, sad, rousing, biting…as though the comedian was, like so many of us, some trapped animal looking for anything to distract himself enough to keep madness at bay. Luckily, for both Burnham and for us, he found a LOT of distractions in some great songs with lots of yuks and many poignant observations to boot. There's even a bit about a pirate.

Tim's Top Ten Worst Films of 2021

10. Venom: Let There Be Carnage - Yes, let there be Carnage! Oh, I guess we should have been more specific: let there be Carnage fighting Venom! You only get that in the last half hour of this crap.
9. Malignant - There's a really fun action scene near the end for the ACAB crowd, but otherwise this is more disposable horror movie garbage. Points, I guess, for being a little extra zany!
8. Spiral - It were mildly interesting to inject humor into the tired Saw franchise...as well as folks like Chris Rock and Sam Jackson. But it's still the same torture porn bullshit in the end that, like all the other sequels, never gets close to the cleverness of the original.
7. No Sudden Move - I dig director Steven Soderbergh, but dude is really losing his shit if he thinks this convoluted caper flick and last year's even worse Let Them All Talk are worthwhile films.
6. The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It - The devil made people make a third Conjuring movie. However, the devil also allowed viewers to see this random puree of horror movie clichés at home via HBO Max so they wouldn't get the virus. He's not a monster.
5. Wolf - This is one of them arthouse movies that you want to succeed cuz it clearly wants to communicate a message about how society treats The Other, but the premise is just too ludicrous.
4. The Father - Technically a 2020 flick but not released in theaters till 2021. Anthony Hopkins won the Oscar for Best Actor, so yes: a good actor can deliver a good performance in an excruciatingly boring piece of shit. Well, Tony Hopkins can. Prolly not the Rock.
3. The Resort - One of those cheapass movies that shouldn't even be a movie much less get released in theaters. I'd have felt really dumb if I'd gotten Covid from going to this horror schlockfest.
2. Don't Breathe 2 - Enjoyed the first flick, but the plot here is too ridiculous. I was super high when I watched it, but I'm convinced that seeing it straight would have only made things worse.
1. The Humans - A movie based on a play which somehow is more boring than any play could ever be. Inexplicably beloved by, like, all the critics but unwatchable for any normal human.
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