Wednesday, November 04, 2015

A One-Eye For An I

Okay, gather 'round this campfire made of ones and zeroes, chilluns, and Uncle Timmeh will tell you a strange tale about bowling league last nite at Sunset Lanes. Our team bowled a team that just joined the league last week. They're called Cable Dawg, whateverthefuck that means. They're so godawful at bowling that we were giving them 276 pins handicap--which wuz like having two extra regular bowlers (or three of theirs) joining the fray for Cable Dawg agin us. Didn't matter....we still won all three games. Next oddity: my opposite number on their team--the third man in the line-up--only had one eye. He didn't have a glass eye, and I couldn't see just an empty socket, so some scar tissue wuz left behind, maybe? Prolly not important to the story, but if you were thinking that a dude with one eye might be shy, then you don't know John. Since we're both bowler number three on our teams, we generally would have been up at the line at the same time. Except John MADE SURE we were always up at the same time. He refused to bowl until I got up there. And he wanted to have a conversation of some sort EVERY FUCKING TIME. So that's thirty conversations while I'm up bowling for the nite, which is thirty more than I usually have. Also, John did not talk so much as shout his end of the dialogue. Just stupid shit like HERE WE GO, TIM! or YOU GO FIRST TIM, AND I'LL SIT BACK AND WATCH! or DAMN, TIM, YOU GOTTA LET UP ON ME! I responded with my own Dr. Ben Carson-like soft spoken banter and fake laughs to humor the guy, but it wuz tedious after frame number two of game number one. See, John is not the sort of bloke who occasionally sez something funny or interesting like myself and Dr. Ben Carson. Anyway, after we were done, everyone on my team said that they wouldn't have been able to put up with the guy for three games. My dad, who wuz merely spectating last nite, said, "It wuz almost too hard for me to even watch it." But by the end of the second game, after I'd bowled another over-200 game, I said, "Who knows...maybe he's inspiring me in some weird way." Of course, that 143 I bowled the last game wuz totally the fault of that one-eyed motherfucker.