Line of the Day

Talking with a student after class who is not thrilled with the grade on her essay...

Student: "Oh well. I guess a 'B' is better than a 'C'."

TXB: "That is the accepted wisdom."

Line of the Day

Student Essay: "We'd just got done eating, and we knew that, if it was a strip club with older women working, we would either be in shock and love it or vomit everywhere."

Lyrics of the Day

The elm, the ash and the linden tree
The dark and deep, enchanted sea
The trembling moon and the stars unfurled
There she goes, my beautiful world.

--Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds

Cheney Wishes Your Family an Easter "Fuck You"

Arianna Huffington: "The quote of the week belonged to Cheney who, when asked about polls showing two-thirds of Americans don't think the war in Iraq is worth it, replied: So?"

That's balls, folks. The kinda balls that long ago beat the brain and the heart into a coma.

Paying Attention in the Toll Booths of Politics

So, Geraldine Ferraro sez that we are only paying attention to Barack Obama because he's black. And of course we are only paying attention to Geraldine Ferraro because she's a woman, and b/c she looks like a lesbian. And we are only not paying attention to TXB because he is an obese whack-job with an axe to grind (actually, I ground down the axe to nothing long ago...so now I'm sharpening the handle). And Barrack Obama's preacher sez, "God DAMN America!" which may actually be logical in some fashion but mostly sounds like merely one of a plethora of insane things said by preachers all across this grand US of A on any given Sunday, but if yer a black preacher...watch out! As GF sez, we are paying close attention to you, brother. As for the dude who sez homosexuals are gonna burn in hell...him, we give a pass.

Horton Smells His Friend Cooking

America and TXB are going in different directions. America is prolly going to elect a crazy old man to run the country (as opposed to the crazy middle aged man who's done it for eight years). TXB might be moving to France. America goes to see "Horton Hears a Who." TXB goes to see "Doomsday," which has a scene where a dude is barbecued alive, cut up, and served to a crowd of post-Apocalyptic punks. Not that I wuz dying to see more cannibalism on the big screen, but I think I would rather sit thru ever gory ever made than watch another CGI kid's movie with an important "message" or "dazzling visuals." Hey, a head on a pike can be a dazzling visual, too.

Kill Hill, Vol. I

So, another person got fired for speaking the truth. Funny how that happens. Politicians routinely lie they asses off all the live long day, and none of them ever get fired for that (gotta watch the whore-fucking, tho'--more on that later). Speak the truth, boy, and shame the fuckheads. You are going out! Hillary is, in point of fact, a monster. And by "monster" I mean someone who is, in some way, divorced from humanity. Hey, it's nothing to be embarrassed about. Even the TXB-machine hath been known to classify hisself as a monster before. I don't really care all that much about peeps in general, for example. This whole fucking planet could burn right down to the ground, and I'd prolly just start laughing. As the Joker sez, "It's all part of the plan." And that's why God is the ultimate monster. So really, Hillary, cheer up: you're God. Or, better yet: don't cheer up. Get very, very depressed and then shoot yourself in the fucking head with a high caliber revolver. Yeah. That second option. That's what I'd prefer.

But she ain't gonna do it, folks. Suicide is for quitters, and there'll be no blood on the pantsuit this election cycle. So it falls to our favorite man with the axe, Keith "I Eat Assholes For Breakfast--Oh Wait, That Didn't Come Out Right" Olbermann to do the job. On second thought, though, Olby m'boy, you better leave the axe at home and bring a surface to air missile launcher. Yes, it turns out that the other Mighty O is gonna do a Special Comment on the Hill tonight. And by "do a Special Comment on Hillary" I hope he means "put a stake through Hillary's shrivelled heart." Now, I'll admit: Olby's lost his mojo a bit, lately. Getting pissed off at Jon Stewart for making a joke about how Obama's name sounds almost as bad as a name like "Gaydolf Titler" just doesn't make a damn bit of sense to me. Sorry, Keith--but that shit wuz funny, and we needed a guy like JS to get out there and make a joke about BO's name before the Republican attack machine let the dogs of war slobber forth to Pittsburgh (which is just whut has happened lately).

In so many ways, tho', our gal Hill hath proven that she is nearly every bit the soulless Machiavellian anti-human that Karl Rove is (worried about terrorists killing your kids at 3 in the morning now, anybody?)...so I hope KO can finally KO that fucking robot for good and all. Oh, and here's yer Line of the Day on that whore-fucking matter, courtesy of Bill Maher: "I'm going to throw the remote through the TV if one more news twink says something on the order of 'When we come back, we'll look into what drives a successful man like Eliot Spitzer to risk it all...' Oh yes, let's convene a panel of experts for that. Let me help you: because he wants to get his nut off!"

Poetry Reading

Student: "And Richard Cory, one calm summer night, / Went home and put a bullet through his head."

TXB: "I love that poem."

Terse TXB Reviews

________________________ "Pay no attention to the plain chick in the background."
Saw "10,000 B.C." and "The Bank Job" over the weekend. Both passed the time, but both were also variations on movies I'd seen before. "10,000 B.C." looked as if someone threw "300," "Apocalypto," and "Stargate" into a blender (same director as "Stargate," je pense). Who knew that dreadlocks were a 12,000 year old hair style? Also, you know we're running out of rallying cries when we go from "Tonight, we dine in hell!" (from "300") to "We must take them down" (or some shit...I can't remember). And "The Bank Job" wuz pretty much like every other heist movie you've ever seen, but with British accents...and more nudity (yay!). Somehow, Saffron Burrows (not naked at any time--there is no God!) manages to look good even while apparently starving to death. Jason Statham looks his usual bald badass self, but he threw us a curve this time by extending his usual 5 o'clock shadow to about 9 or 10 o'clock. He looks like one of those old cartoons of hobos...but, y'know, in better shape and not hiccuping.

Yo homey

She's also a sweet old lady who's not afraid to get her hands dirty.

Mo' Student Quotes

First, a word about our sponsor: Celebrex. Anyone hear the ads for that shit on T.V.? They are apparently legally obligated to warn you not once, but twice, that one of the side effects of the drug might be death. The implication of the ad seems to be that some people get arthritis so bad that, if the pain can't be alleviated, the arthritis sufferer just wants to die. And Celebrex is like, "We'll help you one way of the other." Anyway, on with our show...

Student Quotes:

"She's a sweet old lady who's not afraid to get her hands dirty."

"Walking through the boulevards, the smell of steak will hit you like a warm slice of heaven in your mouth and nose" (TXB Commentary: damn, that is one aggressive smell! Hopefully, someone will press charges for assault)

"The board hit the shark with such veracity that it made a loud thump" (TXB Commentary: well, you know how loud veracity can get)

The Iraqi High Tribunal rules

There shall be 80 lashings for watching Hannah Montana. A second offense will carry the penalty
of public hanging by cranetruck.

The court also rules secretly that if you sneak naked pictures of Mylie Cyrus into the back door
of the court, the penalty will be significantly less harsh. Shhhh....it's a secret.

"There Will Be Boehme"

Finally saw "There Will Be Blood" this past weekend. A well made film, no doubt, but as with many historical films which seem to suggest that we made it through the 20th century on pure spit and cruelty...I wonder why I'm watching. But, then again, someone might ask why I'm enthralled by the savagery on display in "No Country For Old Men." I guess my response would be that the violence in the latter film causes us (and protagonist Sheriff Bell) to try and understand the world philosophically. I might be missing something, but I think that "Blood" suggests something most of us prolly already knew: the engine of capitalism is driven by blind greed and competition, and there is very little regard for humanity in it. I don't think that there always has to be a likable character in a film for me to enjoy it, but having at least one main character who retains some tether to humanity does help. As for Daniel Plainview and preacher Eli Sunday...well, to borrow a quote from DP, when I look at these two gents, "I see nothing worth liking."

Speaking of which...please die, Hillary. Get off the fucking stage. It's so obvious now that, even if you pulled a fucking rabbit out of Bill's ass and somehow won this thing, that a serious chunk of the Dems would hate your guts and sit out another election cycle (or maybe a few of them) because you killed their dreams. Yes, I know...YOUR dream would have to die in order to fulfill theirs, and you may honestly be right in saying that you'd be the better prez. But you'd also drag us all thru the hell of years and years more of partisan rancor, and it's hard to imagine any great socio-political innovations that could occur in such an environment. Let's face it: the only way you'd ever get some Republicans to like you is to dress like a man (er...even more like one) and have sex with them in a men's room somewhere (yes, you would have to supply the dildo). For me, it just comes down to one thing: you fucked us on the war, and you never even apologized for the thousands dead and the billions blown because of both your cowardice and your political ambitions. For that reason alone, you don't even deserve to stand on the same stage as a prophet who foresaw and spoke of all horrors we would face if we invaded Iraq (so, along with Obama, if you ever see me on a stage, you better fucking step off it).